Its Not That Serious
Its not that serious. Sometimes I forget that, and not just for things that are, well, serious. Its also not that serious when it comes to my view or opinion about myself. Here’s a case in point. Last week, I went to my gym, LifeTime Fitness, for a workout. In fact, it was a show-off workout. I hadn’t been to the gym for quite some time, probably about two or three months. Its not that I haven’t been working out. To the contrary. Its just that I have been doing the home workout thing. You know, P90X, 15 Minutes of Hell, and that sort of thing. You see, I was tired of showing up to the gym and looking like I really needed to be at the gym. My wife has to make us clean our house before the house cleaner comes so we don’t look like we need a house cleaner, despite the reality. In the same fashion, I felt I had to get in shape before going back to the gym, so I don’t look like I need to be in the gym, despite the reality.
There I was, at home, working out. Huffin’ and puffin’, doing push ups, pull ups, sit ups, dips, spider hikes and crunches. All to beat father time, and because I promised my 12 year old that I would not embarrass her at the pool this summer. 90 days straight. No let up, almost. The result? Well, let me tell you, the infomercial is not totally accurate. Yes, I did lose 25 pounds and I put on some muscle, but I did not become the beach body I had hoped for. But, there was some real improvement, and as long as I keep my shirt on, you really could be impressed, maybe.
So I found myself driving to the gym. I was going to show those guys I was in shape. I was tired of that little smarmy lawyer who is in perfect shape. How in the world does he have time to be in the gym all day every day anyway? And when I walked to the water fountain, those people on the stairclimbers were going to see a thinner and more in-shape me. I couldn’t wait.
I pulled into the parking lot and did my breathing exercises as I walked from the car to the front entrance. I tried to pull out my membership card quickly, but the increased size of my biceps somewhat limited my mobility. No problem, the attendant smiled as she took my card. Yeah, its been some time since she has seen me. She noticed. I was sure of it. I quickly stashed my outer wear into my locker, made a quick pit stop at the bathroom (this will become important later) and headed to the weight floor.
I was slamming weights around like I was 20! I even grunted a few times. It really wasn’t necessary because this was all so easy to me. But the effect was terrific. The smarmy lawyer, who has no gray hair, wasn’t there. I would show him next time. I made frequent trips to the water cooler—30, I think. Walking past the treadmills and stairclimbers. People were looking! I knew they would. They were looking and wondering if I was that same pudgy guy who has been coming to this gym for years. Yes I Am! I thought in proud silence. Boy, they keep looking. And now they are whispering. I finished my workout in less than an hour, grabbed a towel, wiped my face and proudly descended the stairs to the locker room. I stopped to look at myself in the mirror.
And that’s when I saw it.
It was long and white. It was partially wet and wrinkled. It was…toilet paper. It was toilet paper that had been hanging out of the back of my pant waist ever since I stopped in the bathroom before working out. It was toilet paper that hung out of the back of my pants as I walked back and forth to the water cooler. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Now that I think about it, I am pretty certain a lot of people smiled at me…a lot. They never saw a muscle or noticed an ounce of lost fat. Just the toilet paper hanging from my posterior. It will probably be a long time before I work out there again.
I could only laugh at myself. I got crazy for a second. I was so concerned about looking good to other people, that I didn’t take care of the basics. I didn’t check myself in the mirror before going to peacock. Just goes to show, there ain’t no fool like an old fool—or a late 40s fool. I laughed some more. Its not that serious. It really isn’t. But…I’m not going back to the gym for awhile.
My Summer Project—I have googled and located two of my old friends on Calaway Circle. Hope to make contact this week and report back.
Book Launch—Boy, technical difficulties are a pain. Here is the scoop. We are using video to launch a give-a-way of a free ebook. Editing the video has proven to be more of a challenge than we anticipated. Launch date has now been pushed to middle of next week. Keep coming back, I really appreciate your support.